Aunt Pearl Recollections By Mona Sarfaty

I am very pleased to speak at this service and have a chance to share a few thoughts about Aunt Pearl.

My recollections of Aunt Pearl are as her niece. As children, we didn’t realize how lucky we were to have three aunts and uncles--and their families--living so close to our own home. The were all within 30 minutes’ distance. Often in those days, our families would get together on the weekend, usually on Sunday. We would gather at our house in Wantagh or theirs in Hewlett, Island Park, Syosset-- or at Jones Beach. The kids would romp, play, laugh, fool around, and the adults would talk, and talk, and talk.

On Jewish holidays it was the same. On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we would gather after going to services at the synagogue. On Passover, family seders were an annual event. They were regular, recurring, predictable occasions. Even the notable events within the events were recurring and predictable. If we were with Eden and Jed, the brothers would get a bit frisky and require a few words to calm them down. There would be a meal, usually dinner, prepared by the moms, with plenty of time afterward to remain at the table. There would be a political discussion. Points of view would diverge. Voices would rise. If Uncle Manny and Uncle Morris were at the same event, by the end of the discussion, they would both be red in the face and standing on their feet. The women would be telling them to sit down. During our high school years, Michael Isikoff sometimes stood in for Uncle Morris.

I remember Aunt Pearl at every event. She did her part to maintain the chain of family gatherings. She helped to plan, and cook, and did her share of the work. She knew the religious rituals and the songs and she was a participant. She seemed to take special pleasure in us, the children. She would ask about our activities and interests. She would smile and be genuinely excited and even gleeful about our news. She took pleasure in giving us gifts. She exuded a quality that I could not describe at the time but that I knew was genuine and caring. She would say “that’s wonderful” in a tone and manner that made you understand that she truly felt that way. There was a delight, a cheerfulness that was palpable. She was genuinely happy.

I remember Aunt Pearl also as a mother. She was very protective of Ruth Joy. Ruth hovered close to Aunt Pearl at those family gatherings in those younger days. It looked like it was a safe and comfortable place to be. Aunt Pearl was relaxed with her daughter. Uncle Manny could be excitable but Aunt Pearl was calm. Even more remarkable to me was that Aunt Pearl was calm even while Uncle Manny was excited.

I remember Aunt Pearl also as an intellect. She was a teacher; she cared about her students and the difficulties they faced. Her conversation was intelligent. She knew what she was talking about; and she had opinions. She made her points…clearly… and she never raised her voice.

I remember Aunt Pearl a little bit as a wife. Occasionally the parents would tell us-- the kids--about how they had met, or their early relationships. Uncle Manny told us about the serious talk he and Aunt Pearl had after they were married about who was going to take what responsibilities in their house. She had definite opinions about divvying up the work and sharing the chores. It had clearly impressed him and had a lasting impact on their life together. That stuck in my mind.

For her part, Aunt Pearl’s eyes would light up when she described meeting Uncle Manny. There was almost a glow that became evident when she shared those recollections. She would tell stories to us about watching him confront the powers that be at their workplace. She would beam when she talked of him as the brash and bold young man that she admired and loved.

Year’s later, when disease had taken its toll, it was the experience of being the niece of such a genuine cheerful caring Aunt that it turned out was deeply embedded. Her good cheer. Her genuine happiness. Her contented disposition. Her pleasure in us, her nieces and nephews. That stuck with me and shall be remembered.

I want to say a word about Uncle Manny. He has impressed all of us with the extent and level of his devotion to Aunt Pearl through a decade of hardship. It has stunned us. Many of us knew about the big Sarfaty heart through years of personal experience. We knew about other qualities of Uncle Manny’s. But we learned only through watching him face the adversity of Aunt Pearl’s illness about the depth and extent of his love for Aunt Pearl. Uncle Manny’s love and devotion will remain a source of inspiration for all of us and a lasting testament to Aunt Pearl.

Thank you.